Confidence

If there was ever a time when I was "in need", it's now.

Of course, it's all in how you look at it, but I can't act at any time other than right now.

Being away from the familiar brings ever-increasing clarity, something I usually appreciate but which is now driving me crazy.
It seems as if I have become two simultaneous people. I have the ability to see what must be done and no power or motivation to do it, as the case may be. I have the capacity to be both ruthless and sentimental, but I can never conjure up either one when I really need it. I'm torn between reality (which is mythic and enjoyable enough) and true fiction, rarely focused on the present moment. I can see the value in the heart of any person but myself; I long to tell people the truths I've been discovering, but then I don't take my own advice.

I don't understand any of this, I'm falling farther and farther behind and I'm getting very frustrated. I learn my lessons and forget them within the day until an arbitrary future time; I write everything down and never look back at it. My God has not failed me, but I've failed everyone; I need His help to fix it but I can't stay focused long enough to accomplish anything.

But all you have to do is count the number of times I just used the word "I" to find the problem. As usual, the only way to stop the mental running in circles is to find a new perspective - the only one that matters.

"Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16